5 years on Twitter: My 15 absolute worst tweets

Apparently 2009 was a big year for poor Twitter conduct
Apparently 2009 was a big year for poor Twitter conduct

I first joined Twitter in January 2009 – meaning I’ve now been an annoying over-sharer on multiple social networks for five years now. That’s HALF A DECADE.

The mid-teen years are obviously bathed in angst (I don’t dare look back over my old MySpace blogs, fucking hell) but, looking back over this Archive thingy you can ask Twitter to send you, apparently the late teens and early twenties are no better. At least not if you’re an insufferable moron like myself.

Below I’ve shared some of my most cringe-worthy tweets from the last five years. Half to teach myself a lesson, and half because they’re just too weird to sit on.

To anyone who is still following me today – THANKS.

You know those moments when you find yourself downloading the Atomic Kitten Greatest Hits and you think “…What am I doing with my life.” May 4, 2009

No, Shaun. Nobody knows ‘those moments’.

OK the Sugababes story was quite surprising but CALM DOWN EVERYONE, nobody died! September 21, 2009 

Apparently the Sugababes line-up overhaul was MASSIVE NEWS

@pixiesongs ‘Mama Do’ … TUNE!!!!!! Uh oh UUUHHH ohh… April 24, 2009

Fanboying over Pixie Lott. Excellent.

NEARLY cried at Gossip Girl, so now in that weird “do i need to get it out of my system?!” state! April 23, 2009

Was it my time of the month?

needs to stop making a big arrrse of himself! May 19, 2009

Nothing like third-person angst

just sunk a whole carton of orange juice May 19, 2009

Big news. Good to see the resolution made in the previous tweet lasted long.

So ‘The Bill’ has been axed. I haven’t watched it since the late 90s but I’d imagine some will be upset. March 26, 2010

Fabulous analysis, there. Fabulous.

Absolutely dumbfounded by the kindness of strangers tonight. August 4, 2013

Like a modern day Blanche DuBois.

You know those situations that are so unfair on you, even though there’s really nothing wrong with them? I hate those :( April 30, 2009

ANGST

You think you’ve actually found someone good and then KAPOW!  May 1, 2009

MORE ANGST

OH WOW. Brilliant. Cosmic! Absoloutley cosmic. August 4, 2010

SARCASTIC ANGST

I quite like the new Scouting For Girls single. Am I a bad person? March 27, 2010

Yes.

rehearsals can SUCK OUT May 8, 2009 

Alright calm down

in sheringham for coupla days. we think itll be wild to watch the whole harry potter franchise in NO PARTICULAR ORDER August 5, 2010

Sure know how to have fun

thinking May 25, 2009

Good to know.

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